Gringa Fit
People who have been reading my blog for sometimes can attest to me having quite a few “Gringa”fits during my travels in Panama. My Gringa fits normally result from bad service or having trouble dealing with the cultural gaps. However my biggest Gringa fit to date was very justified….
Lets go back in time so I can recount this day for you…. It all started when I decided that my roots had grown far to long and I needed to get my hair recolored. All my previous attempts have resulted in me walking out with blonde hair and orange hair. I had finally decided to go back to my natural color as my fear of getting my hair colored hair had resulted in me rediscovering that my natural hair color is light brown.
I decided to go back to the one guy, Italo, who had originally dyed my hair orange but he had managed to fix it and not charge me for fixing it. I was very prepared for my hair appointment as I had my spanish teacher write out exactly how I wanted my hair colored in Spanish. Happy on the thought of getting my hair redone I left Corporate Slavedom in a happy mood. My happiness soon faded as I realized that half of the streets were blocked!!! The streets were blocked due to a large group of protesters who were gathering to protest everything from wanting cheaper school uniforms to some people who had gotten arrested the previous day for throwing bricks during a construction protest. What should of taken me 20 minutes took me over one hour. Luckily I had left work early because i had wanted to change before my appointment. However as i inched along in traffic all thoughts of going home to change vanished and I focused on trying to get to my appointment on time.
Luckily I was able to make my appointment on time and walked into the salon of Italo my hair guy. I explained what i wanted and he said he needed to go and give a blow out to someone and then he would start on me . For those that are not familiar with a blow out it is when most of the Ye Ye Panama women are too lazy to wash and dry their own hair so they pay someone to wash and dry their hair smooth. Some women will get 2 blows outs a week because they don’t want to do their own hair This one particular blow out took over 30 minutes to complete as I sat in the chair waiting. Finally the Ye Ya ahead of me managed to get her hair dry only to have another Ye Ye walk in the door and Italo started on her!! I still continued to sit in the chair patiently. However once i hit the one hour mark of watching other women I started getting frustrated. Just as he was finishing ANOTHER Ye Ye walked in and he started working on her. I finally got out of the chair and asked what was going on. His response to me was that these clients were regular so he needed to work on them first!
After sitting there for an hour and half and not being helped I asked if I could reschedule the appointment because it was getting too late. Italo said he did not have anymore openings for another 2 weeks. Frustrated I stomped out of the air salon much to the surprise of some of the other Ye Ye’s who had walked in for their blow outs.
Determined to get my hair done I drove home and noticed the hair salon near my house was still opened. I parked the yucky and walked in and asked if they could color my hair. They said they had time so I showed them my paper with my hair instructions written in Spanish. The lady started with my hair and I noticed she was putting some strange stuff in my hair but as I have seen some strange things in Panama I did not really think anything of it. Finally the time came for the big reveal after my hair had been washed. The towel was removed and my smile quickly faded as I realized the hair lady had taken my light brown roots with grown out blonde highlights and transformed me all over to bright yellow bleached BARBIE BLONDE!!!! Upon seeing this the tears started rolling down my cheeks as I started yelling in my best Spanglish that I had not asked to be blonde and along with every curse word I knew in Spanish. Her response was that I looked good and then gave me the bill of $55 . With tears streaming down my cheeks I hand her the money and run out of the salon with my hair wet. Of course I walked out of the salon and was greeted by hissing and kissing noises from some Panamaian dudes walking past. At this point it was 9pm and I was tired from the emotions of what it took to get my hair colored and not having eaten. After a few tearful phone calls I decided there was nothing I could do and took out my contacts from my swollen eyes and went to bed.
I woke up to find that I had managed to rip my last pair of contacts and could not find where my maid had put my glasses. A frantic search resulted in me realizing I had no back up pairs of glasses or contacts. My only option was to email my boss an tell him that I would be in late as I needed to go to the eye store and see what they could do for me. This being Panama the eye store did not open until 10AM so I tried my best to work from home with the computer about 4 inches from my face. I hailed a cab practically blind to the eye store where I had ordered contacts from 5 weeks earlier ( see post about Opticolor). I managed to get to the store and my contacts had just arrived!!!! Suffice to say it seemed like things were getting better. Until I opened up the box of contacts to discover they had ordered the wrong type of contacts. They had ordered me yellow contacts!!!! The Eye Doctor encouraged me to try them on and that they would like nice and match my hair. At this point I broke down into tears in the shop saying that I was going to look like Barbie as cat women –Muejer Gato- and that would not work.
Luckily they were able to find a pair of contacts that was close to my prescription and told me there was another brand of contacts they could order that would be close to my old kind and they could be ready by the evening. I was sent on my way with my vision blurry but I was at least able to slightly see so I went into the office to try to work.
In an act of NEVER BEFORE EXPERIENCED customer service in Panama, Opticolor actually called me when my contacts were ready. I drove over to the store in Friday Rush Hour traffic and walk into the store. The eye doctor hands me my contacts and I carefully check the prescription to make sure they were same as my old prescription. I notice a slight difference in the diameter numbers and the eye doctor told me that number did not matter. I put the contacts in my eyes and they were too big for my eye balls as the number that I noticed was wrong was the diameter. I informed the eye doctor I could not take these contacts and would not pay for them as they were not what I asked them to order! I love how the eye doctor did not even understand the importance of the numbers that make up your perscrption.. very scary! Upon hearing this, the eye doctor got an attitude with me saying that she could not longer help me and that I needed to pay for them. I informed her that I would not be paying for them and asked if she could just order me plain contacts? She finally relented but I would have to wait. Of course they were not ready when they said they would be and I had to wait 2 weeks wearing blurry contacts!!
Suffice to say in the period of 24 hours my appearance was altered completely. Adding insult to injury when I went to try and get my hair fixed the colorist recommended that I wait a few weeks because if I tried to recolor my hair there was a good chance it would turn orange the bleach had severely damaged my hair. So now I am Barbie with super dry hair and have to do deep conditioning treatments every other day.
I am half tempted to start an NGO that will teach Panamaians how to dress for their body type.. note someone should not be able to count your fat rolls through your shirt and to educate the locals that just because someone is Gringa does not mean they want to look like Baywatch Barbie!!
For the time being I am trying to enjoy being Barbie and have even received a lovely Barbie doll from some of my loving friends!
I used to recommend Italo to my friends but he is now going to be placed on my bad list. As his lack of customer service I maintain is why I look like Barbie. Something that most local vendors have not realized is that if you give a Gringa good service they will give you a tip whereas most Panamaians won’t!! You loss Italo on all the extra income from Gringa tips!
Empanada Heaven
An amazing restaurant just opened up in Costa del Este. It is called Caminito de la Empanada or as I have started calling it, Empanada Heaven, and is located just down the street from the Super 99 in Costa del Este. This place specializes in Argentinean Empanadas but also has a huge selection of quiche, salads, and breads. The Oreo Cheesecake is the best Oreo Cheesecake in PCITY. I can easily eat about 6 of these empanadas and still want more. If you don’t live in Costa del Este the delicious food really makes the trip and associated tolls worth it. They also have a nice area with couches where you can enjoy an empanada and a nice glass of wine!! I promise you won’t be disappointed unless you hate empanadas and if that is the case then you are just psycho!
Rules of Panama
I would like to share with you something another Gringo has referred to as the rules of Panama.
Rule #1: JUEGA VIVO! play life wild. Gamble, bet, and cheat everyone. Live a self-centered life all about you.
Example; This is why people cut you off because they don’t care if they almost cause an accident as long as they don’t hurt their own car. It is not their fault you were in their way! This is why people use driving lanes as parking lots because they really wanted a coke and were to lazy to park and walk to the store.. they want it so they don’t care if it inconveniences anyone else
Rule #2: Don’t mess with anyone else’s JUEGA VIVO.
Example: See above… everyone does this because everyone is trying to cheat everyone else and only care about their own Juego Vivo.
Rule #3: It’s better to earn a little money dishonestly then alot honestly, because it’s all about one-uping and screwing someone.
Rule #4: There is no such thing as win-win in Panama. If you won, I lost and should have cheated you out of whatever you won.
Gringos the sooner you understand these rules the better your experience in Panama will become!! Sooner or later you will start to realize you might be living by these rules as well.
